Getting Up

How? How do we get rid of our dark feelings?
Sometimes we fall. We fall because we feel that the world has failed us and in return we have failed it. There are mornings when I wish I could forget it all and just pull the covers over my head yet again. We do not wish to eat, walk, or do anything. I do know how this goes, but recently several of my friends have told me they were depressed. I have tried to help in any way possible but I have run myself dry. When you are truly depressed, your life force drains, your appetite disappears, you just want to sit there (or in some situations lay there) and have your mind go blank. Some people who are truly depressed will go home and sleep for hours, not talking, not being, in a sense, human. When you are depressed most people can't handle the emotional, mental, or physical issues of life and if they can, it's usually not for very long.
I had a very good and rather close friend who I loved dearly. The moment she and I met, we clicked. We got along and understood each other. Well, she suffered from depression and I saw it every day. I know the way things seem to just hit you, because I suffered from it when I was younger. Well, she was very sick. Before it got to its climax, she and I would sit at lunch in a lonely hall and talk, laughing all the while and sharing stories of our classes. At the end, she became very reserved, even with me, she ran away multiple times, and when she laughed she tried to show she was fine, yet something told me otherwise. I knew that she had been trying to distract herself and be involved before completely losing the battle. She said very little to anyone, she was very angry, and then she stopped coming to classes all together. Her friend had died, sending her further into the dark, downwards spiral. I lost all contact with her for a month, found she was with family but lost contact again. The next thing I heard was weeks and prayers later. She, in desperation, had taken her own life after many attempts.
I was torn apart inside and I can only imagine how her family took it. I was unable to go to her funeral but for weeks after I sat there, alone, thinking dark thoughts to myself. I, myself, have gone through the struggles of depression. I should have hugged her more, I should have watched her more carefully, I should have stopped her from running away, I should have told her more just how much she was loved, especially by me.
It has been several months since that time and I still shed a tear every once in a while. At first I hated people for telling me that there was nothing more i could have done and that I was the best friend I could be. I did not believe them for a very long time. I knew the feelings. I should have been there to stop her. I have come to terms that I could not save her but I still try to save others, leaving myself for last until I collapse in exhaustion.
I know that there are many people that are depressed, that there are many people who can't forgive themselves, that wish they could sleep and never wake up. Well, I am here to tell you something.
Sleep. Rest and breath, but never give up. No one wants to hear people telling them to keep their chin up but I have realized you have to keep going. Even if all you can do is keep a little bit of your face above water; it's better than nothing at all. If you start to drown, lift your arm out and someone will grab it. You just have to try to keep breathing and let the tides do the rest. You'll sleep, you'll cry, you'll scream, and some may try to end their lives, but the last should never be an option. Never say that you are done for good. Take the day or the week. Take the month even; if it takes that long to gather your self and strength but never give up. If you keep pushing through the hell and the fire, it will get worse, but it will get far better. We fall and we get back up: that is the lesson we are taught as toddlers. Situations come yet so does the rest of your life!!!! Sleep, breath, and reflect on the good things life has. Everyone has at least one good thing in their life, even if it is just the fact that they like that they can breath.
Don't hide, let it out or you'll self-destruct. I am not saying to be happy all the time or even the majority of the time, but do not stay down forever. When down, let it all out then and then slowly but surely get up and dust yourself off.
Look at the sun the next time it rises and smile because you are strong. You are strong enough to make it through another day.